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One Saturday night years ago, I took a good friend of mine clubbing because he was feeling depressed about his relationship with a girl. Initially this worked well, he was very excited at the prospect of meeting new people (women included). But as the night wore on, I realized my mistake. He ended up becoming more depressed than when we first arrived.

I have seen this happen before, quite a few times actually - even to myself. Observing this phenomenon, I began to see a pattern. It’s the same thing that happens over and over again until a person finally learns the lesson. This pattern of unhappiness, made worse by clubbing, is what I call The Clubbing Trap.

Many people go searching for love in the wrong places, and the club is no exception. The problem does not lie in the people who visit the club, but in the distrust that the clubbing environment creates in finding sincere love relationships.

First of all, there is a perception that single men who visit a club are there to pick up women for sex, and are therefore not trustworthy or sincere. Secondly, women who are seen giving out their hand phone numbers to multiple guys are often seen as loose or easy, and thus definitely not serious girlfriend material. And thirdly, people always confine themselves to the group of friends they came with, so there is really no way to speak to anybody unless you want to boldly make an approach to where no one has gone before. If you make too many approaches or are seen giving out too many numbers, you will be labeled as ‘the guy who is here for sex’ or ‘the loose girl’.

In reality, the people you meet may actually be nice and good, but the question is, can you trust them? Can you trust the guy who speaks to five girls that night, to take an active and sincere interest in you? Can the girl at the club be trusted to be loyal to you, especially when she appears to have so many suitors? You must be kicking yourself in the pants if you think that you can find love or that love will find you in such an environment. The belief that you can make lots of new friends and find a romantic partner through clubbing is an advertising lie created to make the club richer at your expense.

In my friend’s case, he went to the club looking to fill a void; trying to resolve his loneliness by drowning his sorrow with drink and the prospect of meeting women. Yes, he met a few females, but none that he felt he could trust in a long term relationship. There were also women he found very attractive, but they all seemed to be with boyfriends, or were guarded by a large group of guys - very inaccessible. All he got out of the experience was a greater sense of loneliness, emptiness, and worthlessness - The Clubbing Trap.

Lessons to Avoid the Trap and Find Meaningful Relationships

#1        Don’t Club to Cure Depression

Clubbing can be one of the worst forms of therapy if you are depressed. Watching other people have fun with their boyfriends or girlfriends will only plunge you further down the deep end of feeling worthless and sorry for yourself. It only makes you realize how sad you are compared to how happy others are. It shows you a contrast between you and them.

#2        Nothing On the Outside Will Make You Happy, When Your Pain is On the Inside

Happiness is within, not out there. The temporary pleasure you experience on the outside can never resolve the internal pain you feel. You must go within yourself to resolve the emotions and conflict that you feel. Running away by drowning your sorrows or partying the night away only makes it worse. You will experience the hangover of emptiness and frustration.

Instead of clubbing, do some introspection. Observe your own thoughts and emotions. Use the meditation techniques we talked about. See what are the thoughts going through your mind that are causing these emotions. You need to step back from yourself and just quietly observe. Only then can you choose to replace those thoughts or look at things from a different point view.

By choosing your thoughts or point of view, you can change your emotions. You can choose to be happy by looking at things in a positive way. There are always two sides to a situation, just like there are two sides to a coin. The only reason you feel there is no way out is because you haven’t flipped the coin over and looked at the other side.

#4        If You Want to Meet People, Try Daytime Activities

The best place to meet people has to be an open, cheerful environment, which is conducive for conversation. You will find these kinds of environments in school, work or any social club that runs meaningful activities. You might consider joining a group which focuses on something you have interest in. There you are likely to meet people with similar hobbies, so immediately you have something in common.

The reason why The Clubbing Trap exists is because we go to the club for the wrong reasons - looking for love and romance. When this need cannot be fulfilled, we are left feeling empty and dejected. Don’t let this happen to you. See the pattern, realize the truth… avoid The Clubbing Trap.

Further reading:
Interesting post by Chris on what irritates him about clubbing