Happiness and the Transience of Life 2

Welcome back!

Well done! I’m glad you got here.

So if we analyze the first approach – where the person is dashing all the way, pushing their way to the top; ignoring fun and friends in sacrifice of material success – the weakness I see is this person is in such a rush to get somewhere that they miss living their life.

They put all their hope and happiness in the future, always telling themselves, “When I get there, then I’ll be happy. When I get that car, that house, that lover, that million dollars, THEN I’ll be satisfied.”

They cannot find happiness in the present moment. The present moment is a pain in the ass, always a struggle, always a fight; high amounts of stress, aggression towards others, and dissatisfaction with life.

Now here comes the twister…

Once they arrive at their destination, they realize it’s not as pleasurable as it’s hyped up to be – all their hard work for this nonsense? They didn’t want this mansion or limousine… they wanted respect from others, recognition, to be loved for their achievement. But in pushing their way to the top, they’ve pushed away the people who are important to them. They look back on their life and only see a struggle… no golden memories, no special moments… the opportunity for that is lost. Their friends have moved on, others have passed away. All they have is money; more than they can spend. How they wish they could turn back time and regain the youth they wasted chasing an illusion of pleasure.

On the flip side is the second approach, where the person lives for maximum pleasure.

“Whatever I want, I get. No sacrifice is too great, as long as I enjoy myself.”

The problem with this approach is that while a person may have much fun and pleasure in the short-term, they’re not smiling ten years down the road because those that worked harder are leading much better lifestyles than them.

Comparing themselves with their peers, they think, “Shucks, I should have completed that degree instead of smoking all that pot and dropping out of college. Look at what a shithole I’m in now!”

Their philosophy was to enjoy their youth to the maximum (no sacrifice too great), and they accomplished it… by sacrificing their future.

So how the two approaches are flawed is because the first approach (work hard and fast) is sacrificing everything now for a future reward that fails to meet expectations; and the second approach (enjoy to the max.) is sacrificing future success for present enjoyment.

Thus, the great question is: how can you avoid these two traps?

There are two keys which unlock a middle path for you. You must use both of them together.

The first key is in knowing that happiness is found in the journey, not the destination. The second key is in developing the ability to consistently choose actions which have both a present and future benefit. Let me explain…

For the first key, think of your life as climbing a mountain. The peak is your crowning destination. Everyone wants to get there; it’s a beautiful place to be. But if you dash up the mountain, you miss all the beauty that was along the way. Why do you think people love hiking? Is it just about getting to the peak? Or more about enjoying the work of getting there? Happiness is found in the journey, not the destination.

Apply that to your life and you’ll see that you are already on your journey. Everyone is. And if you are not enjoying the process, it’s either because you’re running too fast or not moving at all. The first approach of work hard and fast is about dashing – you miss the experience and joy of living. The second approach of max pleasure is about sacrificing the peak to sleep somewhere on the grass – you never make it to the top, but your friends did.

Thus you realize that joy is not found in a mad dash for success or by laying still in paradise. It’s found in a comfortable movement toward the peak – walking or jogging – giving you time to enjoy the present moment while you make progress toward the top.

This brings us to the second key because it gives us access to activities which we can enjoy while still making progress. To help you understand this well, I’ll make a distinction between present and future benefit.

The max pleasure approach is living for present benefit only, at the sacrifice of future benefit.

The dash for success approach is living for future benefit at the sacrifice of present benefit.

To enjoy your journey through life, you’ve got to learn to choose activities which have both a present and future benefit; activities which are good for your present enjoyment and future success.

What is such an activity like? I’ll give you a few examples.

Suppose you are an author – your business is writing. One activity you enjoy which provides future benefit is definitely reading. You do it for pleasure, and it sharpens your writing while giving you new ideas.

Suppose you are an engineer or craftsperson, your business is to produce new systems or products. If you’re suited to your job, one activity you might enjoy is the design and creation process – the chance to make your baby come to life! Give birth to something new. You love it; you live for it.

In contrast, an activity with only present benefit is like masturbating or eating tons of chocolate and cheese because it tastes so good. All addictions – drug abuse, sex and alcohol addiction, are sacrificing future benefit for present pleasure.

Activities with only future benefit are, for instance, being a workaholic, pulling all-nighters, sacrificing your child’s ballgame to fly overseas. These are mad dash actions…. sometimes unavoidable, but better if put under control.

Apply this Knowledge to Your Advantage

I’m going to ask you to use your brain one more time and brainstorm a list of activities which have both a present and future benefit for you. Doing this exercise will help you develop the ability to fill your days with worthwhile pursuits.

Instruction: Think of your long-term goal and then list down what you enjoy doing presently which also helps you achieve your dream.

For Example

My dream is to be a world famous chef. Enjoyable activities which support this are:

Cooking, of course
Eating out (to taste other chef’s foods)
Teaching a cookery class ($ and mastery)
Reading recipe books
Creating new recipes
Writing my cookbook
Visiting the market

You can do this in private or if you don’t mind sharing with others, then write your answer below.

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Avoid the two traps. And with these two keys as your guide, I hope you will be able to unlock the door to the middle path and get the greatest satisfaction from your life’s journey.