Konke Mayelana Nothando
Ekugcineni, sifika esihlokweni sothando esimangalisayo… engisigweme isikhathi eside ngoba siyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Kungathatha indoda ingxenye yesithathu yempilo yayo yemvelo ukuthola ukuthi abesifazane bafunani. Ngenhlanhla, ngemva kokushayisa ikhanda lami odongeni iminyaka eminingi kangaka, ekugcineni ngithole ukuqonda okuthile ukuze ngibone ngale kwezinkinga ezingaphandle. —uthando lwenjana, ukuthandana kwentsha, uthando oluphindwe kathathu, izindaba zokuphinga, ikhemistri, ukuhambisana, ukwethembana, uthando oluphelele, 'Oyedwa', abantu besithathu, ukuhlukana, izimonyo, abantu abathathu, inkanuko esikhundleni sothando, kanye nezici eziningi ezenza lokhu kube ngenye yezindawo ezinzima kakhulu empilweni ukuzilungisa. Angikwazi ukwenza kahle kulesi sihloko ngesihloko esisodwa nje... ngakho ngicabanga ukuthi ngizohlukanisa lesi sihloko ngochungechunge. Anginawo ubuhlakani obukhulu uma kukhulunywa ngothando - ngiyindoda enekhanda eliqinile eza igcwele izimbali, i-champagne, ushokoledi, nezipho ezikhethekile. Ngakho ake ngikhulume nawe ngalokhu ngokusuka enhliziyweni yami, ngendlela engcono kakhulu engiyaziyo.
Konke Mayelana Nothando 1: Angimtholi Umaqondana
Engikubona njengezinkinga ezivame kakhulu abantu abanazo ngothando yilezi:
- Ukungakwazi ukuthola umlingani.
- Ukungakwazi ukuthola umlingani ofanele.
- Ukungakwazi ukubamba umlingani ofanele.
Ake sibhekane nalezi zinkinga ngayinye ngayinye sibone ukuthi siyazithola yini izimpendulo….
Inkinga 1: Angikwazi Ukuthola Umlingani…
Abantu abaningi banomqondo wokuthi 'amadoda kufanele athathe isinyathelo sokuqala'. Heck, ngikholwa ukuthi yilokho okugxilile ezingqondweni zamadoda amaningi. Ngakho amadoda afundiswa ukuthi kufanele axoshe abesifazane abawafunayo; kufanele amthande, amthengele izimbali, abhale izinkondlo, avule iminyango, amyise esidlweni sakusihlwa njll. Futhi isenzo sokwenza kanjalo sizomenza athandane nabo. (Manje ningamomotheki mantombazane... kumele niqonde ukuthi amadoda adinga ngempela ukwazi iqiniso ngalokhu.) Amadoda avamile njengathi, akholelwa ngempela ukuthi singawina inhliziyo yowesifazane ngale ndlela. Kodwa lokho akulona iqiniso…. Kukangaki thina bafana senqatshwa ukushelwa kwethu kothando? Izikhathi eziningi! Futhi yisiphi isizathu asinikeza sona? Kunjalo, “Awuyena uhlobo lwami!” Lokhu kufanelekile ukukuphinda… *AWUSILO UHLOBO LWAKHE*! Okudingeka amadoda akuqonde ukuthi njengoba nje bekhetha abesifazane ngokubukeka kwabo ngaphambi kokunquma ukusondela, abesifazane bakhetha amadoda abo ngobuqotho. Kodwa hhayi njalo ngokubukeka kwakhe... abesifazane banomqondo othuthukisiwe wokukhetha umlingani ofanele, ocabangela ezezimali, ukubukeka, ubuntu, isimo senhlalo, ukuhlakanipha, amahlaya, ikhono lokuzijabulisa nokuningi. Kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu — ukufinyeleleka (indoda kufanele ibe seduze ukuze imbambe). Owesifazane ngamunye unokukhetha kwakhe kanye nomfanekiso wakhe wendoda efanelekile. Abanye bathanda amadoda abo amade; abanye bathanda amafushane, abanye bathanda izici zika-Adonis – umzimba oqoshiwe, umhlathi oyisikwele; abanye bathanda amadoda abo ukuba amabhere amakhulu athambile. Isithelo sowesifazane oyedwa siwubuthi bomunye owesifazane.
Njengamadoda, okumele sikuqaphele ukuthi owesifazane uzothanda noma ubani afuna ukumthanda – uyena okhethayo. Umqondo wokuthi 'ungamthanda ukuze uzuze inhliziyo yakhe' ungumbono ongamanga ophehlwa yizinganekwane kanye nomlingo waseHollywood. Abesifazane abangiphonsi amanzi ashisayo okwamanje… ake ngifakazele leli phuzu ngokubona okulula. Cabanga… ufika emsebenzini ekuseni uthole isixha sezimbali sihleli edeskini lakho, inothi elincane lithi, “Ungowesifazane kuphela kimi – Uthando, umthandi wakho oyimfihlo.” Ngemva kwesidlo sasemini, kuvela iphakethe eligoqwe ngesipho edeskini lakho. Ulivula ngokucophelela. Ngaphakathi kukhona ibhokisi loshokoledi omuhle kakhulu owake wawunambitha! Inothi elincane lifundeka kanje, “Idizethi yakho, sithandwa sami.” Okwamanje, ilukuluku lakho liyasha, “Ubani lo muntu oyimfihlakalo ongithumelela zonke lezi zipho ezinhle? Kungenzeka yini ukuthi uJames wasemakethe? Lowo mfana othandekayo ka-Adonis… Ngingathanda ngempela ukumdabula izingwegwe zami zenyama; noma mhlawumbe u-Alfred wase-accounting? Lowo mnumzane othandekayo… uhlala ekhanyisa usuku lwami ngokuhleka. O, ngiyafa ukwazi ukuthi ungubani!” Ngakho-ke yimuphi lowo? Akuyona neyodwa! NguToad-Man ohleli egunjini elilandelayo! Lowo okhipha ama-booger akhe bese ewadla; lowo ozigcwalisa sengathi akukho kusasa; lowo okubukayo njalo lapho udlula egunjini lakhe; lowo ogcina omagazini bezithombe zobulili ezingcolile ngaphansi kwedeski lakhe nabalingani bakhe uthi ufana kakhulu naye. Ungamthanda? Mhlawumbe uma uzama ngempela, kanzima impela. Kodwa kungani ukhathazeka uma kukhona uJames phansi ephaseji no-Alfred esigabeni esilandelayo? Ngakho-ke ngiyaxolisa… Abesifazane bafuna ukuthandana, kodwa ngamadoda abawathandayo nawafisayo KUPHELA.
Lapho amadoda ethi, “Angikwazi ukuthola intombi.” Lokho abakushoyo ngempela ukuthi, “Angikwazanga ukusondela kowesifazane engimthandayo ongithola ngikhanga.” Lapho abesifazane bethi, “Angikwazi ukuthola isoka.” Kusho into efanayo — “Angikaze ngisondele kumfana engimthandayo ongithola ngikhanga.” Uyabona, inkinga iyafana kubo bobabili ubulili. Asimane nje asisondele kumalungu obulili obuhlukile esiwathola ekhanga. Esontweni eledlule ngithole lo myalezo we-imeyili ovela kumngane:
[Kusetshenziswe ngemvume]
—Umyalezo wokuqala—–
Kusuka: xxxxxxxxx
Kuthunyelwe: ULwesithathu, Juni 21, 2006, ngo-1:06 ekuseni
Ku: Lance Ong
Isihloko: ubudlelwano
Sawubona Lance
Ngikubonile okuthumele kuwebhusayithi yakho. Kuthakazelisa kakhulu futhi ngijabulele lokho okuthumele. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngimangazwe kakhulu yilokho okubhalile kumagazini kaJuni we-SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy Magazine), ungihlabe umxhwele kakhulu ngalokho okubhalile ngobudlelwano obuhlangene. Kubonakala sengathi ukuhlakanipha nolwazi lwakho sekufinyelele ezingeni elisha elijulile…. Muva nje, ngihlangane nenkinga. Mhlawumbe unganginika ikhambi noma izindlela zokubhekana nale nkinga?
Ngajwayelana nalo wesifazane emsebenzini wami, siyazana ngemva kokuba ngikwazile ukumtholela izinto ngentengo yabasebenzi emsebenzini wami. Sashintshana ngezinombolo, futhi konke kwaqala kahle kakhulu. Saxoxa kakhulu ezingcingweni zethu, futhi sathumelana imiyalezo nge-SMS njalo kwaze kwaba yisigameko esithile esabangela ukuthi konke kuguquke… kahle kancane… omunye wozakwethu wakwazi ukumshayela ucingo emtshela ukuthi ngiyamkhumbula. Hawu!! Ngashaqeka. Ngaxolisa kuye ngokushesha futhi wakwazi ukukunqoba, kodwa izinto zabonakala sengathi seziphelile kusukela lapho. Manje… asivamile ukukhuluma noma ukuthumela imiyalezo nge-SMS. Noma kunjalo… manje lapho ngidlula endaweni yakhe, waphendula ikhanda lakhe wangangibheki… hawu, ngicindezeleke kangaka ngalokhu….
Nokho, ngiyamthanda kancane, kodwa izinto zabe sezihamba ngale ndlela. Ngicabanga ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi uyangigwema noma akafuni ukukhuluma nami…
Ngidabukile... unganginika ikhambi noma yini yokuxazulula le nkinga eyinkimbinkimbi??
ngiyabonga kakhulu, xxxxxxx
Impendulo yami ilandela ngezansi:
—Umyalezo wokuqala—–
Kusuka: Lance Ong
Kuthunyelwe: ULwesithathu, Juni 21, 2006, ngo-4:32 ekuseni
Ku: 'xxx xxx xxxx'
Isihloko: RE: ubudlelwano
SANIBONANI! UMNGANI WAMI, Mnu XXXXXXX!
Ngiyabona ukuthi unenkinga enzima okufanele uyixazulule. Akunankinga, ubuze umuntu ofanele! Ngeke ngikutshele nje ukuthi kungani eziphatha ngale ndlela; ngizokutshela nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze ukuze uphinde uthole isithakazelo sakhe. ESingapore ekuqaleni kwalonyaka, ngenze uchungechunge lwemihlangano yokufundisana ngothando nokuthandana. Iningi labahlanganyeli bethu ekugcineni selikwazile ukuthandana nabantu bobulili obuhlukile, kanti abanye sebevele bathandana.
Uyabona... kuzo zonke izibopho, kufika isikhathi lapho kufanele kuphakanyiswe khona izithiyo uma nizosondelana. Iqiniso lokuthi nobabili benikhuluma kakhulu ocingweni futhi nithumelana imiyalezo njalo, liwuphawu oluhle olukhombisa ukuthi kukhona isithakazelo somuntu ngamunye. Ngokuvamile, indoda ekuleso simo elandela ukulandelana okufanele inethuba elikhulu lokuxhumana nentombazane. Isikhathi esibucayi kwaba yilapho osebenza naye emshayela ucingo emtshela ukuthi umkhumbule. Uma ucabanga ngokombono wentombazane... othile engitshela ukuthi umfana engimthandayo uyangikhumbula kuyinto enhle! Kuyinto enhle kakhulu ngoba kusobala ukuthi le ndoda ikhombisa isithakazelo sothando kimi. Kodwa lapho uyishayela ucingo ukuze uxolise, kubonakala sengathi usuhoxisile isimemezelo sakho sesithakazelo sothando. Kumantombazane amaningi, lokhu kufana nohlobo oluthile lokwenqatshwa - mhlawumbe wayedumele. Okufanele ukwenze ngaleso sikhathi, ukwenza sengathi akwenzekanga lutho. Qhubeka umomotheka futhi uxoxe naye njengokujwayelekile, aze akuveze. Uma engakwenzi, khona-ke uyakuvumela. Kodwa uma ekwenza ngelinye ilanga akumise akubuze ngalokho okushiwo ozakwenu (lesi yisikhathi seqiniso), ungamomotheka futhi udlale ngakho, kodwa ekugcineni, kufanele uvume ukuthi uyamthanda. Lokhu kubizwa ngokuthi ukuthatha iNgcuphe Yezenhlalo. Ubeka ubugovu bakho nedumela lakho engozini yokwenqatshwa. Abesifazane bayakuthanda. Bayakuthanda lapho indoda abanesithakazelo kuyo, inesibindi sokusho ukuthi iyamthanda.
Ukuziphatha kwakhe kwamanje kuyindlela yemvelo yokusabela emphakathini uma kukhona ukungezwani ebudlelwaneni. Cishe angazizwa sengathi unesithakazelo kuye, kodwa njengoba usubonise ngokusemthethweni ukuthi awunasithakazelo, udidekile futhi akazi ukuthi angaluqhubekisela kanjani phambili ubudlelwano. Kulesi sigaba, nguwe kuphela ongenza umehluko phakathi kokuphila nokufa kothando. Kumelwe ube namandla, unesibindi, futhi uthandane. Zimisele ukuthatha ingozi emphakathini. Ngesikhathi esilandelayo lapho udlula edeskini lakhe bese ebheka eceleni (esebenzisa izinwele zakhe ukuvimba, akunjalo?), kufanele uphule ngamabomu lesi sivikelo seqhwa ngokuma phambi kwedeski lakhe, umbize ngegama, bese uqala ingxoxo. Ungaba ukuhlakanipha ukuletha isipho. Lokhu kuyisibonakaliso esicacile sesithakazelo sothando. Mane uqale ngengxoxo evamile:
Wena: “Sawubona [igama lakhe], unjani?”
Yena: “Kuhle/kulungile.” (ukumamatheka)
Wena: “Uyazi, nginemizuzu embalwa nje, kodwa ngidinga umbono wowesifazane ngento ethile.”
Yena: “Impela! Yini?”
Wena: “Ucabanga ukuthi indoda enesibindi ngalokho efuna ukukuthola empilweni, ikhanga kakhulu kwabesifazane?”
Lapha usuqalile ingxoxo ngesihloko esithakazelisayo. Empeleni, noma yisiphi isihloko siyasebenza, inqobo nje uma umenza akhulume. Umgomo uwukuphula iqhwa nokuvuselela ubudlelwano. Qhubeka nengxoxo yakho isikhathi eside ngangokunokwenzeka, ushintshele kwezinye izihloko njengoba kudingeka.
Uma ufika endaweni ethule engxoxweni yakho (futhi ngiyakuqinisekisa, uzoyithatha), yithi “He, nginokuthile engikuphathele kona.” Bese ukhipha isipho sakho ngomlingo. (Qiniseka ukuthi sigoqwe ngesipho – yilokho okwenza sibe esikhethekile.) Ake sithi, “Bengidlula kulesi sitolo futhi… [Chaza ukuthi kungani uthole isipho]” noma “Ngizenzele mina!” Kunezinto eziningi ongamnika zona, kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi uqinisekile ukuthi uzosithanda. Ukunikeza isipho ngendlela efanele kukhombisa ukuthi uyakhumbula lokho akuthandayo nokuthi unokwahlulela okuhle, unaka imininingwane, futhi uyaphana.
Lesi senzo esilula sesibindi sanele ukuvusa imililo yothando. Kodwa kuzodingeka uqhubeke nokwakha phezu kwalokhu. Umlilo ongenawo uphethiloli ugcina uvutha. Ungase ucabange, “Woza Lance, lesi akusona isitayela sami!” Ngiyakuqonda ukwesaba. Wonke amadoda anakho. Kodwa labo abanganqoba amademoni abo futhi babhekane nommese wokwenqatshwa bazomangala kakhulu ukuthola ukuthi intombazane yamaphupho abo iyajabula ngokuthi inesibindi sokwenza kanjalo.
Ngikufisela inhlanhla, mngani wami!
Ozithobayo,
Lance Ong